To the valued reader,
For fourteen months now, I have been following an unusual practice: taking microdoses of magic truffles. At first I took them daily, but after just two months I reduced the frequency to weekly, then monthly intervals. Now I no longer follow a fixed rhythm; I only take them when I feel it's time - which, from experience, is every six to eight weeks.
The effect on my life was consistently positive: a deeper inner calm, reliable impulse control, a noticeably reduced tendency towards depressive episodes - and much more. For me, living with ADHD, this change was particularly significant. And yet there was always a quiet but persistent fear: the fear that, like some people on LSD, I could lose touch with reality - and never find my way back.
Anyone who knows people whose dopaminergic system works differently is aware of their often inexhaustible creativity, which is often accompanied by a lack of impulse control (ADHD). This gave me the bold and dangerous idea of drastically increasing my dosage - first to ten, then fifteen and finally thirty-one times a microdose. Driven by curiosity, I finally wanted to investigate the reports of bright colors and strange visions.
But first came the disillusionment: instead of colorful hallucinations, I was overcome by a leaden tiredness that forced me to go to bed. Although my dreams were unusually clear and the days that followed were characterized by an almost uncanny intuition and a new sensitivity, I was missing what I had expected. One incident last summer made this change in perception particularly clear to me.
I was lying relaxed on my towel at a bathing lake and soaking up the atmosphere: the warming sun, the gentle wind on my skin, the hustle and bustle of children and dogs in the water, the fine tickle of the sand under my feet. In the midst of this perfect calm, a bird suddenly sat down next to me. It kept looking at me curiously. Without haste, but full of inner clarity, I stretched out my hand - accompanied by the quiet thought: „Why don't you just sit on it?“ And that's exactly what happened. After a brief hesitation, the bird gained confidence and settled on my hand. No food enticed him, he simply lingered, gazing at me calmly - as if this moment was a matter of course. My mind wanted to burst into incredulous excitement, but my inner self remained filled with deep, clear calm. For a few minutes, there was only this silent, intimate connection between us, until my little daughter, seeing the scene, ran up excitedly: „Daddy, Daddy, what's that in your hand?“ The bird flew away. But I felt no regret. Rather, this encounter seemed strange and yet familiar at the same time, and since that day I have felt the emotions of other beings with a hitherto unknown intensity.
A few months later, the opportunity arose for a vacation with my best friend - the ideal setting to try out a significantly higher dose, far away from family and everyday life. My friend, who was experienced in this field, accompanied me. One evening, I first took 15 grams of magic truffles. When there was hardly any effect after two hours, I took another 15 to 20 grams of magic mushrooms, accompanied by DMT and marijuana from the vaporizer.
And then it began.
Suddenly I saw the world in unimaginable clarity, as if in HDR - sometimes even in black and white, as if I had run through the filters of a camera. Everything was fascinating and overwhelming at the same time. My eyes seemed to have a zoom, my hearing was sharpened, my body awareness more intense than ever before. When the intensity became too much for me, I went to bed - and that's where the real journey began.
Neon-green patterns unfolded before my inner eye, interspersed with flashes of pink and red. Then the experience turned into a phenomenal "ROLLING GAME" which was in no way inferior to my own "current existence„: I slipped into the existences of countless people, in fact I was briefly this person in each case, from a wide variety of eras. For moments I was a rich merchant, a poor beggar, a soldier, a farmer, a cook or a blacksmith, with all their experiences, thoughts and feelings - each time completely this person. This restless “human zapping" repeated itself what felt like hundreds of times and left me breathless and overwhelmed.
Finally, I seemed to leave the universe itself and reach another level of being. There I experienced love in a hitherto unimaginable purity and intensity - as if I were both all-powerful and all-loving. In the midst of this ecstasy, I remembered Lili's warning: „Never mix marijuana and mushrooms.“ Fear flashed through me briefly. But another sentence from her saved me: „Every trip comes to an end at some point.“ So I let what happened happen. My ego dissolved completely - until, after what felt like an eternity, I returned to my familiar self.
And now? Everything is different. I am calmer, clearer, more composed than ever before. This unexpected clarity has now lasted for nine weeks without interruption.
I would therefore like to express my thanks here - to Lili and all those who accompany me, and not least to the universe itself, which has given me these profound experiences.
With best regards
alias JohnDoe